You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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