we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
