the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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