If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
