I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
