the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
