Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
