dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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