jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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