forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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