the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
