i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Operation Purity has been aborted
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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