smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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