We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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