please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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