Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Found your dick twin last night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
