So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
