THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
