i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My bed is full of blood and feathers
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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