yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
