at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
