none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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