I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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