im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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