he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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