I want to make a zoo with you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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