is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
