I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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