even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
