We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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