I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
