Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
