Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize