Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
