hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
