dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
