She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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