the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
