Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
