Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
