can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
