One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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