dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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