Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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