I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
