It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
