there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
