So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
