He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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