I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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