Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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