Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
