it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
