He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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