What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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