New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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