my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
