got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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