Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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