so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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