I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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