i'm lost and i look like a hooker
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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