girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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