At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
