There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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