My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
