I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
