I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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