I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
