Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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