When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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