He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
