I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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