Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
