Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
