My nipple is on Facebook.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
