I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize