Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
