turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
