I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
