I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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