It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
