I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
