Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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