O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There are leaves in my underwear?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
