I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize