Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
