I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
