i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
