I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
