you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
