I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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