i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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