you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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