Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
