whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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