New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
