You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
