so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize