I accidentally had phone sex last night
Welp...herpes.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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