at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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