i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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